ARE WE ENEMIES?

We are often told: Strong women – Women who are truly role models – don’t feel the need to put down other women to make themselves feel powerful. Strong women lift each other and not bring each other down. Women have over the generations grown up with this narrative. So, What Went Wrong?

In 2016, Michelle Obama made a powerful speech in support of the then democratic candidate Hillary Clinton making it a watershed moment in history. For generations, women grew up watching cat-fights on prime-time television; think MEAN GIRLS, where women are repeatedly pitted against each other, it was a revelation to watch a woman stand up for another women.

The bias that women have against other women is not just a stuff of prime-time television. The MEAN GIRL SYNDROME is real. In the book, the Twisted Sisterhood, a survey suggested that 90% of women hold some kind of negative bias against other women and 85% of women surveyed admitted having suffered serious, life-altering knocks at the hands of other women. Unlike men, who are inclined not to aggress against men in general or their friends in particular, women tend to do both. The society and our collective bias urge women to compete with one another in openly aggressive ways, the more extreme the better.

Why do we do it?

My early years were dominated by female presence: My mom and my grandmother and countless aunts from both sides of the family. I saw anger, I saw frustration and above all a complete lack of feminism. Few years later, in an all-girls High School, I saw the same lack of feminism replaced by faux feminism. Confused by pop culture, we replaced the real feminism by consumeristic feminism as we lapped up on fairness creams and tighter unforgiving clothing. Our school culture pitted women against one another, and I saw even nicer girls turn against another sometimes turning vicious. The frustrations grew deeper as I progressed in life and before I knew, I was thrust into an environment which was predominantly male dominated. However, the battles didn’t change: I’ve seen women being catty, I’ve seen women ganging up on other women and I’ve seen women being grateful that they didn’t have other women in their team. The truth is that; women are not immune to the society’s bias against women and from childhood these biases are imbibed in us. Rather than embracing sisterly camaraderie, women become combatants fighting for attention.

So, what can we do?

We have spent decades trying to bridge the gender gap but the reality is that the glass ceiling has only become bigger and thicker and unfortunately, it is not restricted to workplace only. The idea of women climbing the ladder and pulling others up behind them has largely not come to pass – because women are too busy comparing themselves with other women. What we need instead is to stand up for each other and break the glass ceiling together.

From my limited experience in the corporate world, I’ve realised, how positive it can feel to see a female sitting across from you in a boardroom full of men. Being exposed to powerful female role models, gave me the notion that I can someday pick up a leadership role and watching a woman kill-it in the work space has helped me to get rid of some of the impostor syndrome I’ve always harboured within myself.

The truth is; women can thrive in the male dominated world and bridge the gender gap if they stand with each other instead of pulling each other down. While there will always be some Karens around us, be a girl who uplifts another girl.